You know I actually really don’t care…

A funny thing happened this week.  Someone I know said to me something said to somebody else by yet somebody else about me.  You following?…  Doesn’t matter.  The thing that was said wasn’t particularly complimentary.  The substance doesn’t matter.  For a start, if it really did matter they ought to say it to me face to face or raise it via an appropriate route.

There was for a brief few moments indignation and anger in me.  How dare they?  Blah blah blah.  Then just as instantaneously there was judgement of their behaviour in my mind casting them as a jealous person.   However a remarkable thing happened before the end of the conversation, now largely punctuated by the other person telling me this making apologies and excuses about it.  I realised I really couldn’t care less about it.  I quickly looked at the criticism – part of it is justified.  I know I’m verbose (you read this drivel… you know it!) but I know that issue and I do try to work on it but it is not my default nature and my verbosity is I believe a defining characteristic of me.  As many people I know point out I never engage in much small talk and chit chat when I speak it is because I have something of substance to say – whether you listen, agree or not it is still something of substance.  As to the second part of their criticism I don’t think they’ve listened to what I’ve said.  I know what my meaning is – I quickly rechecked those motives and found them good and wholesome in my view (again anyone may disagree but I’m happy) and therefore I can take the next breath and it is all ok and I’m comfortable with me, with the situation and everything.

That is remarkable – back in the dark drinking days and in much of my recovery I’d have been eaten up by this, either in terms of wanting to argue with them, rectify it, been concerned or worried by it, played out previous encounters and future ones again and again and again.  Now I look inside, find that moral compass and check myself against it.  As I say in this situation one of the points I readily acknowledge and am trying to address, I make no apology for being a work in progress on that.

I remember being baffled by people talking about being “comfortable in your own skin”.  I though this was purely a reference to physical attractiveness.  Seriously!  Now I think I’m getting to actually experience it and all because I’ve stopped drinking long enough to look inside myself and come to that place of comfort.

About furtheron

Music and guitar obsessive who is a recovering alcoholic to boot
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13 Responses to You know I actually really don’t care…

  1. byebyebeer says:

    What a wonderful feeling detachment can be, of a particular kind. Don’t always feel comfortable in my own skin, but you describe the feeling well here.

  2. ainsobriety says:

    Awesome.
    I try to remind my kids that you can never please all the people all the time and still be true to yourself.
    And That’s the only way to be happy.

  3. I like how you look at your moral compass and check yourself with it.
    Kind of like..was it kind, was it true, and was it necessary.
    xo
    Wendy

  4. JJ says:

    One of my favourite quotes from Wayne Dyer: “What other people think of me is none of my business.” Just so.

  5. You describe well an experience I know. It’s that knee-jerk reaction. I go from 0 to 60 in the snap of two fingers. It’s like all of a sudden I am offended to the core.

    I’m glad you took some time to reflect on that experience here. Reading helps me understand I’m not alone in those reactions. it’s like that thing about not controlling what happens, but only how we react? Your post read to me like a meditation on that idea.

  6. Lisa Neumann says:

    Wow. It’s wonderful when “we” define who were are. I love these moments. Thank you for sharing yours with us. ♥

  7. daisyfae says:

    You have achieved useful detachment! Looking at that which is substantive, and tossing aside that which isn’t. i’ve still got to work on this some, but the older i get the easier it becomes to question the source, rather than taking the comments personally!

  8. The sound of one hand clapping.

  9. elsieamata says:

    What perfect timing this is! I had the same kind of thing happen to me this week at work. My gut instinct was to have my feelings hurt but then this other feeling washed over me and I was like, “Meh, I truly don’t care what this person said because I’m cool with how I am and know my own intentions are pure and good.” Yay for us! haha

  10. Suburbia says:

    Do you think you’re counselling training has made a difference too? I feel more comfortable with myself these days and I put it down to all the enforce navel gazing!!

  11. Liz Hinds says:

    You have moved on! I’m not sure if I could have done that.

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