Sorry to be maudlin…

… but there was a couple of moments in my recent trip the hospital where I thought “Is this it?”.  All my male antecedents have died before getting to 60, my Dad made it to 59 and 10 months and he was the oldest.  So there has always been a dark joke at turning 50 that my brother and I are in “the last 10”.

I miss my Dad today still – he’d have been 91 this year if he had lived.   But I was just 22 when he died, suddenly of a heart attack.  My son was most fearful when I was in hospital recently that a heart issue was the route cause given the family history.  My Dad didn’t see me get married less than a year after he died.  He never was able to visit either of my houses I’ve bought and lived in, never met my kids…    I’ve never had a chance as an adult to say “You did ok Dad, look I’ve done ok I think.”  That weighs heavy on me.

When I was ill the other week – I still am slowly getting better.  I realised how much I really would prefer to live on.  My son will, in the next year or so hopefully, qualify for his PhD – a stunning achievement for a boy who was rejected by teachers at 11 and advised not to attempt to get to grammar school.  In the end I’m glad he didn’t the school he went to, which endlessly gets a lot of unjustified bad press, did a brilliant job with him and he set audacious goals he continually achieves.  Not many 25 year olds in astrophysics have two published papers with them as lead author before gaining their PhD.  I’m hugely proud to call him my son.   My daughter is on course for a good BSc degree and talking about an MSc and possibly a doctorate after that.  She is bright, intelligent, very personable, works hard and volunteers to work with young offenders.  She cares deeply.   I’m hugely proud to call her my daughter.

If not for me wanting to do a few more things in life, like finish my course and do some work as a counsellor in my attempts to help my little bit of the world be a better place for some people, I really want to see my children develop as the terrific adults they seem to be destined to be.  Funny how that is the thing I was most worried about missing – probably it isn’t odd at all but it shows how grateful I am for the life and family I have.  So glad that sobriety has given me that chance.

Happy Christmas to all of you who celebrate it and I wish you all a good New Year for 2016.

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About furtheron

Music and guitar obsessive who is a recovering alcoholic to boot
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9 Responses to Sorry to be maudlin…

  1. ainsobriety says:

    Merry Christmas. I hope 2016 brings you good health and joy.

  2. Lily says:

    Wishing you good health and much success for the new year. Have a wonderful Christmas.

  3. Merry Christmas to you, too!
    I wish you a wonderful new year, with good health!
    xo
    Wendy

  4. Thanks for a gratitude-filled post x. Merry Christmas to you proud dad and to your family.

  5. It’s so lovely to hear about how you and you family have come along. I’m sure your father’s buttons would be bursting with pride for you. 🙂

  6. If we can’t be maudlin around the holidays, then when can we? I’m just now back and catching up from a break. Hope you holiday went well and that all of this got sorted out. I was on a cruise with my extended family and every morning they had a ‘Friends of Bill W’ meeting at 9:00. I’m sure it was needed. That boat was a cesspool of temptation.

  7. elsieamata says:

    Happy New Year, Graham! Glad you’re on the mend. I can hear the pride in your post about your son, and rightly so. You’ve done well. My dad died early too. I still miss him, especially around the holidays. It’s hard not to. We want to show off what we’ve accomplished because of how they raised us…although…we did so much without them too. We worked hard to get we are today. Take care and be well.

  8. Sherry says:

    Happy New Year Furtherton. You should be very proud. I’m sure you dad is proud also. I’m a believer in that stuff so, you know…I know. 😉

    Sherry

  9. daisyfae says:

    Serious medical ailments are a pretty good cause for such reflection – no need to apologize! Like you, one of the things that drives me to keep hanging around is that i want to watch my children continue to grow and bloom, and i’m just curious as hell to find out how things turn out for them both! Yours are clearly on brilliant paths – good parenting certainly had influence there!

    Hoping you are fully recovered by now…

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