Home is where the heart lies…

After being absent pretty much for two years from what I used to call my AA home group I went back the other night.  Hmmm… same room, some same faces but then the majority ones I either didn’t know at all or were at least not known by me well.  Honestly – I felt like a stranger in my front room.   Now circumstances have changed so that the commitment I had that kept me away has been removed but in all honesty there is another room I’m feeling much more at home in since I’ve built a new family there.

I’m a bit torn at the moment.  If I’m honest I think the best thing is for me to stick with the group that I’ve come to regard as a home group over the last couple of years rather than try to recreate a past that has gone and use the old home group as a “top up” meeting one I drop in and out of when I need additional meetings in a week.  Part of me feels a bit sad about this loss but then again part of me is feeling it is a good sign of progress for me.  Life changes, it moves on, I move on, the world and universe move on, the bit that is great for me is the early clear acceptance of that change and a willingness to look inward and say “Ok, so it is different.  What are you most happiest with as a solution for you?”  I have wasted so much of my time in life in today trying to figure out how to recapture yesterday in tomorrow and just repeating that depressive cycle.

About furtheron

Music and guitar obsessive who is a recovering alcoholic to boot
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12 Responses to Home is where the heart lies…

  1. JJ says:

    Letting go is hard for many of us. It’s good that you can feel the loss of the old group and look at that, and then release it.

    It’s rather nice to reflect that the people you once knew in the old home group have been helped like you have, and are in new groups or phases of life. Not missing, but living vitally with new families and circumstances.

  2. ainsobriety says:

    Your first obligation is to yourself. Do what feels right.
    Guilt is not a useful part of sobriety. Celebrate life.

  3. I totally get what you feel here. I was just thinking the other day that nostalgia sucks.

  4. Sherry says:

    So true…isn’t that what our drinking was all about? Trying to recapture that first time?

    Try thinking of it like our friends in our lives. They come in and out of our lives as we change and grow and relocate. Some are like old shoes, you can put them on and they feel just fine…like you never put them away. Others? Not so much. So you choose them every once in a while when you want something different. (I am mixing metaphors all OVER the place here!)

    Anyway, it’s sad but I think you’re right. Follow your heart. It always leads you home.


  5. Find your comfort zone but know that it’ll evolve. You know that changes aren’t permanent. But change is.

    “Top-up” is a drinking term, isn’t it? Did you do that on purpose? Calling Dr. Freud.

  6. Untipsyteacher says:

    So true.
    “Time and tide wait for no man”.
    Life waits for no one.
    I sure am learning that!

  7. Susan says:

    What a beautiful post. I used to think the same way. I’ve wasted so much time… But as I’m older, I learned it is that ‘wasted time’ which got me here today. Corny but I always think of the John Lennon lyric – Life is what happens when you’re making plans (did I screw that up? lol)
    Stay connected… Sue

  8. looby says:

    And it becomes more urgent not to keep looking back, the more “back” there is to look upon!

  9. liz says:

    Yes, your ‘new’ group sounds like the right place.

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