You know I’ve been struggling over what to post on here a lot of the time. I think, “what do I have to say?”
I should say – I’m 10 years sober and it is bloody brilliant!
This weekend we had summer (might have been it knowing the UK’s fickle weather patterns :-/). It was mid 20s (we use Celsius all my US friends ;-)) and not a cloud in a beautiful blue sky. So on Friday my daughter said “Can we have a BBQ on Sunday?” My wife readily supported so I was dispatched to the shops with a list to stock up. I got totally confused with the fruit ciders they ordered and there was some complicated offer which I clearly screwed up but because I had to stop, search and think in the drink aisle. Surrounded by booze one part of my head calmly said “This is a dangerous place for you – pick those up and leave”. They were the right ones but I think I could have bought double for half the amount on the offer (or something like that). Of course my wife and daughter point out they share a bottle and one was still sat in the fridge today (Wed)… never send an alcoholic to buy the booze they still order for others the way they drank! (Well I do!)
My daughter works on Sunday mornings
drowning (sorry) teaching little kids to swim. So I got all the furniture out of the garage and brushed away all the spiders etc. Got out the BBQ and prepared the coals. When she txt to say she was leaving work I lit the thing up and prepared to burn expertly cook the burgers and sausages. We cook the chicken in the oven mostly to ensure we don’t kill visitors or ourselves and plonk that on just towards the end to give it the woodsmoke taste.
My daughters boyfriend turned up and came out to chat to me. We were talking about lawnmowers, he firmly believing that certain models and makes are better than others – based on his experience cutting his grandparents lawns for pocket money as a kid. A job he has now lost to his younger brother now he is in full time work.
We sat in the sun eating the food and chatting about the FA cup final, pending exams, etc. I then passed the water spray I use to damp down any flare ups on the BBQ to my daughters boyfriend and soon she was soaked, he was soaked, my wife was soaked and an old water pistol had been found from somewhere. I’d retreated indoors by then to watch the IPL cricket… 😉 I didn’t get wet at all!
It was lovely. It was normal. I wasn’t stressed. I was relaxed and happy and living in the moment and enjoying it. Not worried about my mock exam that was the next day. Not concerned about how I “looked” to everyone. Didn’t need to impress anyone or lie about something to hide away a secret I’d rather they didn’t know. I didn’t have to try and drink normally or responsibly and worry if I was going to be spotted opening another or worried that the craving would be so bad that I’d be climbing the walls when the booze ran out / was off limits. I’d have lost my temper with something somewhere I always did and then sulk and demand attention from others to sooth my troubled soul because it really was so hard to be me.
Any normal person reading this will either think me totally bonkers and that surely life wasn’t like that – but it was, 24 x 7, 365 days a year it was bloody hard work. Or they’d think, “why didn’t he just not drink?” – if only it was that simple eh?
Any abnormal drinker reading this that identifies with all that rubbish will either be grateful that they too have found a way to not drink for today and be grateful they too have some kind of peace of mind nowadays. Alternatively you may read this and identify with it and not know what to do because you are still drinking. Reach out – there is a world that you cannot believe is available to you. It could actually be exactly where you are, it was for me but I couldn’t see that or join it at all when I was in my drinking bubble and convinced the rest of the world had it right and that I was the person who was owed something else but didn’t know how to get it.