BBQ in the sun

You know I’ve been struggling over what to post on here a lot of the time.  I think, “what do I have to say?”

I should say – I’m 10 years sober and it is bloody brilliant!

This weekend we had summer (might have been it knowing the UK’s fickle weather patterns :-/).  It was mid 20s (we use Celsius all my US friends ;-)) and not a cloud in a beautiful blue sky.  So on Friday my daughter said “Can we have a BBQ on Sunday?”  My wife readily supported so I was dispatched to the shops with a list to stock up.  I got totally confused with the fruit ciders they ordered and there was some complicated offer which I clearly screwed up but because I had to stop, search and think in the drink aisle. Surrounded by booze one part of my head calmly said “This is a dangerous place for you – pick those up and leave”.  They were the right ones but I think I could have bought double for half the amount on the offer (or something like that).  Of course my wife and daughter point out they share a bottle and one was still sat in the fridge today (Wed)… never send an alcoholic to buy the booze they still order for others the way they drank! (Well I do!)

My daughter works on Sunday mornings drowning (sorry) teaching little kids to swim.  So I got all the furniture out of the garage and brushed away all the spiders etc.  Got out the BBQ and prepared the coals.  When she txt to say she was leaving work I lit the thing up and prepared to burn expertly cook the burgers and sausages.  We cook the chicken in the oven mostly to ensure we don’t kill visitors or ourselves and plonk that on just towards the end to give it the woodsmoke taste.

My daughters boyfriend turned up and came out to chat to me.  We were talking about lawnmowers, he firmly believing that certain models and makes are better than others – based on his experience cutting his grandparents lawns for pocket money as a kid.  A job he has now lost to his younger brother now he is in full time work.

We sat in the sun eating the food and chatting about the FA cup final, pending exams, etc.  I then passed the water spray I use to damp down any flare ups on the BBQ to my daughters boyfriend and soon she was soaked, he was soaked, my wife was soaked and an old water pistol had been found from somewhere.  I’d retreated indoors by then to watch the IPL cricket… 😉  I didn’t get wet at all!

It was lovely.  It was normal.  I wasn’t stressed. I was relaxed and happy and living in the moment and enjoying it.  Not worried about my mock exam that was the next day.  Not concerned about how I “looked” to everyone.  Didn’t need to impress anyone or lie about something to hide away a secret I’d rather they didn’t know.  I didn’t have to try and drink normally or responsibly and worry if I was going to be spotted opening another or worried that the craving would be so bad that I’d be climbing the walls when the booze ran out / was off limits. I’d have lost my temper with something somewhere I always did and then sulk and demand attention from others to sooth my troubled soul because it really was so hard to be me.

Any normal person reading this will either think me totally bonkers and that surely life wasn’t like that – but it was, 24 x 7, 365 days a year it was bloody hard work.  Or they’d think, “why didn’t he just not drink?” – if only it was that simple eh?

 

Any abnormal drinker reading this that identifies with all that rubbish will either be grateful that they too have found a way to not drink for today and be grateful they too have some kind of peace of mind nowadays.  Alternatively you may read this and identify with it and not know what to do because you are still drinking.  Reach out – there is a world that you cannot believe is available to you. It could actually be exactly where you are, it was for me but I couldn’t see that or join it at all when I was in my drinking bubble and convinced the rest of the world had it right and that I was the person who was owed something else but didn’t know how to get it.

Advertisements

About furtheron

Music and guitar obsessive who is a recovering alcoholic to boot
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to BBQ in the sun

  1. Becky Bee says:

    I’m identifying. Thank you for posting this, it’s how a lot of people feel I reckon.

  2. What a fantastic way to celebrate 10 years…or even just have a “normal” day 🙂

    I know my alcoholic brain would have done a loopty-loop buying the booze. My booze-hound math would have messed it all up, looking like I’m stocking up for a pub on a Saturday night when all the wife wanted was a six-pack and a bottle of sparkling for the neighbours…ha ha. I like what you said about not worrying how you “look like”. That’s something that crosses my mind sometimes, and then realize what I’m doing and then just chill. I have nothing to prove and nothing to gain by putting on airs of any kind. I’m me. That’s it. And we’re made just perfectly, Graham 🙂

    Thank you for this – can feel the radiance coming off of this. You’re in a terrific spot – inspiring to this alkie here (who also uses Celcius!)

    Paul

  3. Lovely post, G. The normalcy of your BBQ is all that any alcoholic could wish for in sobriety. Here’s to you habing many more days like these.

  4. Sober for so many years and the booze aisle is still a bad place. It never really leaves you, does it? That’s a nice little slice-o’-life you painted.

  5. daisyfae says:

    Sounds like an absolutely wonderful day! i love summer barbeques… something about communal cooking over an open fire…. waiting… watching…. smelling those amazing smells…. builds such anticipation! Congratulations again on 10 years! No small feat!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s