When I grow up I want to be…

When I was growing up the answer to this changed no doubt like it did for many people.  From an early age it was to be a guitarist/singer – that was the dream.  With the splitting of the Beatles it was clear Paul and or John would seek me out (I was 8) and form “The New Beatles” around me and I’d perform on big stages in my blue paisley woolly pyjamas rather than in my bedroom in front of the mirror miming to their songs on the radio… hmm… moving on (should I just have admitted to all that?).  Briefly in the early 70s I was going to be the next Peter Osgood starting my career at Gillingham before moving to Chelsea but I couldn’t even get picked for the school team so that put paid to that, and I spent the next few years chucking myself about a rugby pitch where I had enthusiasm at least if not talent and was constantly a first team selection in the back row.  Then for a time I wanted to join the RAF and become a pilot – I wanted to fly English Electric Lightening’s challenging the Russian Bear bombers as they patrolled off the UK coast in those tense days of the cold way in the 70s/80s.   From 11/12 onwards it was back to music and a guitarist I would be clearly one day I’d be mentioned in the same sentences of my heroes. Sadly I’ve never been good enough or really dedicated enough if I’m honest – I know a lot about music and guitars but not enough to be truly outstanding as an original artist.

Then reality hit about 16 and I was going to be an engineer briefly before I realised I didn’t really like the course, so back to school for A levels and a career in computers seemed a good idea, they were the future I thought about 79/80 – I wasn’t wrong and so with an HND in my back pocket 30 years as an IT professional have followed because there was always work and it brought in a wage for me to live comfortably and raise my family – it also provided a ready money source to fuel my vice(s).

But then really the IT thing was only suppose to be a stop gap until I got the music career off the ground… I thought so for many a long year.  Now I’m 50+ and still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up – I’m working on being a counsellor but still not certain of my trajectory with that totally at the moment.

One dream though I never had was an ambition to be an alcoholic, to end up unable to cope with the life I did inherit without booze in my system, for the bloody stuff to occupy my every waking hour, planning to get it, drinking it, trying to cope with the effects of drinking with it and maintain a façade of a normal person without a drink problem etc. etc.  I never desired to spend my evenings in back rooms of churches and village halls with others who are fighting the demon drink on a daily basis years after the last drop of alcohol had passed my lips.

However, actually I can’t deny to being in a way happy that I did end up here – truly I’d love to have not been an alcoholic but I am and I’m one of the small number of lucky ones who’ve found a way out of it’s clutches.

Now to figure out what I’ll be when I grow up…  do you think the opportunity at Chelsea might still be there?  Rises stiffly from the chair rubbing the ache in my hip… probably not …

About furtheron

Music and guitar obsessive who is a recovering alcoholic to boot
This entry was posted in Life. Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to When I grow up I want to be…

  1. I wanted to be a ballerina until I was about 15. Alcoholic was definitely not on my dream list. I still am not where I’d like to be in terms of career, but I know it’s my own damn fault. I’m trying out being nice to me for awhile and hope that’ll lead me to finding my mojo for novel writing again.

  2. sherryd32148 says:

    I don’t believe in coincidences or mistakes…everything happens exactly the way it should. I wouldn’t trade one thing in my life if it meant risking all that I have today. I wish I hadn’t wasted so much time on that damn wine bottle but if not for alcoholism, I’d still be a raving lunatic who didn’t even know she was a mess!

    I always wanted to be a teacher and, in a way, that’s what I do. I teach in the corporate world rather than the high school English Literature that I wanted to teach but, like you, I had to earn a decent wage and here in the U.S., it’s a crime what we pay our teachers.

    Whatever you end up being when you grow up, I know you’ll be a success at it.


  3. daisyfae says:

    i’ve backed into a bit of career counseling through an informal mentoring program at work. i’ll often lead my youngster with a seemingly simple question “What do you want your life to feel like in 10 years? Balance of work and personal life? How would you like to spend your days?” Along the way, i’ve had the question turned back on me – and had to scramble to figure out the answer.

    Finally came to this: I want to be a contributing member, of a high-performance team, doing something that matters.

    Again, it seems simple, but each element conveys what i desire in my profession/life:
    – Contributing Member: I add value. I have a skill/expertise that is needed.
    – High performance team: I am working with people who are good at what they do, and care.
    – Something that matters: This could be just about anything that i can convince myself helps people…

    Unhitching the “what do i want to be?” from the “what do i want to do?” helped…

  4. 1looby says:

    I am entirely lacking in ambition, so I can’t answer these questions except in ways that reveal me for the hedonistic slacker that I am.

    PS Graham, glad this blogging break idea seems to have gone down the pan 🙂

  5. Elsie says:

    I wanted to be a counselor. Maybe because I knew I was so screwed up
    I’m glad you found a way of it’s clutches too, Graham. You do others a ton of good nowadays.
    AJ’s wHooligan in the A-Z Challenge

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s