Drinking Dreams

As ever I say I’m taking a bloggin break and then… something happens.

This time – a nasty little drinking dream. In general I’ve been having some bloody weird dreams lately such as being in a cabin place somewhere and there was this hissing noise. It was millions of ants coming in through every crack in the place. By the time it was about 6 inches deep in the things they died! What?! Oh yes there were some very odd looking pale green bug things in with them as well – they were about 4inches long. All dead – so I had to shovel them out of the cabin – obviously…  My wife and daughter often just raise their eyebrows and shake there heads when I recount these dreams and mutter things like “They will come and take him away one day you know…”

However the one that is causing me concern today was about – drinking!  I just remember having half a pint of Guinness in my hand – half a pint – when the hell did I ever order a half? But I was thinking I’ll be ok.  I remember raising it to my lips and drinking it. Guinness was my drink poison of choice through the majority of my drinking years.  I could really really taste it – nearly 10 years since even a millilitre has crossed my lips of that bloody stuff but that taste was there… and I liked it.   Suddenly there was another full half a pint in my hand and I’m in tears screaming “No no no!”… I woke up feeling awful.

There was that brief moment of thinking whether it really was a dream or not then worrying what kind of sign is this? Am I really in trouble? The answer rationally in the cold light of day is “I’m an alcoholic.  I’ve had drinking dreams before. Many of those in recovery have drinking dreams I know from them sharing them.  My sponsor is over 20 years sober and had a disturbing one only a couple of months ago he spoke to me about.  They are warnings, reminders that this disease never has a day off and will always try to find a way to get at me encourage me to slip, to trip, to fall, to doubt, to question, to DRINK! So best way to move on in today…  “I’m Graham. I’m an alcoholic and it’s ok with me. Now what do I need to do today so I don’t need to drink”…

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About furtheron

Music and guitar obsessive who is a recovering alcoholic to boot
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13 Responses to Drinking Dreams

  1. Surprising to hear that you still have drinking dreams so many years later. It never really leaves you, does it? My step-dad was an alcoholic and he used to tell me he could hear the sound of glasses clinking together in his dreams.

  2. sherryd32148 says:

    I HATE those bloody things!!! I wake up like you…half wondering if it was real or not…scared shitless that it “means” something and that I’m in trouble!

    But I like the way you processed this one – it’s just a reminder that the disease never takes a holiday.

    My husband helps me process my crazy dreams but my kids look at me the way your wife and daughter look at you. “One day mom…one day someone is going to realize just how crazy you are.”

    Sherry

  3. byebyebeer says:

    I can’t necessarily conjure it right now, nor do I want to, but I can still remember at times exactly how certain favorite beers taste. Drives me nuts, but serves as a painful reminder how strong that pull will always be. The sporadic drinking dreams do the same. I too like your take on this. Glad you wrote about it.

  4. I get them now and then too. They don’t startle me as much as they used to, but they certainly rub me the wrong me. I am usually panicked about telling others that I drank. it is not the drinking per se, but the shame and guilt attached to it that eats me up on those dreams. It’s funny – I don’t care nor care to remember what vodka or even wines tasted like. But beer – like you and BBB, there is always a pull to that flavour (I used to make my own as a teenager, so it was like cooking or following recipes…back when I cared what it tasted like…lol). But yeah, it’s tough sometimes. I have already braced myself for the fact that I will have those dreams.

    welcome back…lol

  5. looby says:

    If it serves as a warning, that’s good. Feels like someone’s setting you a bit of a cruel test though.

  6. Elsie says:

    Oh yeah. I can relate to this, Graham. I still dream of doing drugs – not just my drug of choice – every so often. It scares the crap out of me but it also makes me delve further into my recovery. You’d think after twenty years they’d stop, but I suppose the addiction will worm its way into whatever it can.

  7. I hate drinking dreams. My dreams often begin as the night after I’ve gotten drunk at a party, but I don’t remember going to the party or drinking. It’s all the shameful aftermath and me trying to decide whether to hide the evidence or jump back into a party. The weird thing is, I almost never partied or blacked out when I drank. It’s all this sort of “out of control of myself” vibe.

    I used to like Guinness when I drank beer, but Chardonnay was my main poison.

  8. daisyfae says:

    Fascinating to me – both your post, and the comments from others. What are dreams, really? i don’t know, but i’ve always considered them a means for our brains to process, sort, and store important things. The fact that it’s all in there – coming back up for processing, right down to the taste memory – captures the importance. But it must be absolutely maddening!

    (oh, and about that ‘dull, drivel’ thing? would you please shelve that, sir?)

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