As ever I say I’m taking a bloggin break and then… something happens.
This time – a nasty little drinking dream. In general I’ve been having some bloody weird dreams lately such as being in a cabin place somewhere and there was this hissing noise. It was millions of ants coming in through every crack in the place. By the time it was about 6 inches deep in the things they died! What?! Oh yes there were some very odd looking pale green bug things in with them as well – they were about 4inches long. All dead – so I had to shovel them out of the cabin – obviously… My wife and daughter often just raise their eyebrows and shake there heads when I recount these dreams and mutter things like “They will come and take him away one day you know…”
However the one that is causing me concern today was about – drinking! I just remember having half a pint of Guinness in my hand – half a pint – when the hell did I ever order a half? But I was thinking I’ll be ok. I remember raising it to my lips and drinking it. Guinness was my
drink poison of choice through the majority of my drinking years. I could really really taste it – nearly 10 years since even a millilitre has crossed my lips of that bloody stuff but that taste was there… and I liked it. Suddenly there was another full half a pint in my hand and I’m in tears screaming “No no no!”… I woke up feeling awful.
There was that brief moment of thinking whether it really was a dream or not then worrying what kind of sign is this? Am I really in trouble? The answer rationally in the cold light of day is “I’m an alcoholic. I’ve had drinking dreams before. Many of those in recovery have drinking dreams I know from them sharing them. My sponsor is over 20 years sober and had a disturbing one only a couple of months ago he spoke to me about. They are warnings, reminders that this disease never has a day off and will always try to find a way to get at me encourage me to slip, to trip, to fall, to doubt, to question, to DRINK! So best way to move on in today… “I’m Graham. I’m an alcoholic and it’s ok with me. Now what do I need to do today so I don’t need to drink”…