When will I learn to live life in the moment?

I had a revelation last night driving home from one of my regular meetings. I’d listened to a good friend talk about his experience on the road into drunkenness and back out of it on recovery. He is a man who enjoys his life, by his own admission his is a bit of a loner and is off on a motorcycle ride to Austria on his own in the next few days. Once there he will meet up with others from a club and lead them on a ride through Slovenia where he once nearly ended up in gaol through his drinking. How things change?

There was one person in the group in the middle of a major turmoil in their life, a marriage breaking down, violence, money worries etc. After talking to them and then driving home I suddenly thought – hang on that negative projection they showed – that is what you’re doing currently. That reflection on past events similarly – that’s what you’re doing.

I’m still in transition – in limbo between the working full time as I was until a few weeks ago to working part time and studying part time – the studying doesn’t start until September anyway. Already I’m considering the financial implications of my decision, i.e. I earn massively less than I have done in years. However I have money in the bank that is earning sod all in terms of interest now it’s become apparent interest rates will take years to return to anything about a fraction of a percent. So why worry… because I’m thinking “but in 20 years time I might have nothing left” – but in 20 years time frankly I’ll probably be dead (all my close male relatives Dad, Granddads on both sides, Uncles etc. have all died before getting to 60 so statistically that isn’t too outrageous a thought). But the point is I will have money tomorrow and the next day, next week, next month, next year. I’m lucky to be in that position anyway! Do I show the gratitude I should? No!

Yesterday was a reflective day – it was the anniversary of Mrs F’s father passing away. We went out for the day, just not to be moping about indoors with her thinking about it. We ended up close to my old company where I worked for 19 years. We drove past. Large chunks of buildings not 25 years old are being pulled down as no-one has been found to buy up the old place. It made me sad and reflective of old memories etc.

So as a friend once said eloquently to me – “One leg in the future, one leg in the past. All you do is piss all over today”… You know that is very true I need to be more cognitive of the now, now is ok it is good but I run a risk of pissing all over it if I don’t make the most of it right now.

About furtheron

Music and guitar obsessive who is a recovering alcoholic to boot
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